{this is how i waste my time}

What did *I* do last week?

I slept.  And laid on the couch a lot.

Sometime last Saturday evening I found myself having looser bowel movements.  I had just finished a round of Cipro the day before and chalked it up to the antibiotic’s awesome bulking effect wearing off.  I thought it was me going back to business as usual.

When things continued on Sunday I took note, but didn’t really stress over it too much.  If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that there’s no “normal” for me post-surgery.

Monday made me realize it was getting worse and I started downing the imodium in higher-than-the-label-recommends levels (you can take 8 of them in a 24-hour period).  By the time I went to bed that night I knew things were no longer ok and visions of the emergency room danced in my head.  I was getting up to go every hour by 2am and my mind was made up.  I attempted to get some sleep before calling my parents at 7am for a ride.

Assuming (incorrectly) that all of this was a reoccurrence of the pouchitis I was taking the Cipro for, I headed downtown to the Cleveland Clinic’s main campus.  The idea was that I could be where the guys-in-the-know were at.  I must have hit the place at exactly the right time because I didn’t even have my coat off before I had a bed.  They got an IV line in, started fluids, and took blood samples.  I eventually got to do an abdominal x-ray as well (to check for obstructions).  All of the blood work came back perfect but they said I was obviously dehydrated based on my symptoms.  After two bags of fluid and a phone consult with my j-pouch specialist, they sent me on my way with a script for the antibiotic Tindamax (What?  You’ve never heard of it?  Neither had the attending or either of my nurses!)  All of that in under four hours—not bad at all!

So life was good right?  No.  Fuck no.  I left that hospital at 11:30am on Tuesday and was back at Lakewood Hospital by 11:00pm Wednesday.  Not even 36 hours later!  When I checked in the second time I was once again dehydrated, but also had a fever of 99.9 and was throwing up.  They started pumping me full of fluids again and took more blood.  Everything came back perfect again.  Three hours and two bags of fluid later, I was sent home with a script for nausea medicine and Imodium.  They said it was definitely just a virus.

I then spent all day Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in some place of sickness I hope to god I never return to.  I survived on water, Gatorade, and Pedialyte.  By Saturday night I found some appetite and was able to eat small portions.  Sunday morning I felt things break and was able to eat real meals.  Things finally slowed down in the bathroom as well.  I was able to return to work yesterday, albeit still weak and 10lbs lighter.

In the end, whatever virus I had was probably some mild form of the flu.  Had I had a colon, and was able to absorb water normally, I probably wouldn’t have even ended up in the ER.  What a great vacation it wasn’t.